And Estate Agents are just as bad as Recruitment agents!
The message i’m trying to get across here is, “don’t trust your Estate Agent, he/she is probably an idiot” The majority of this list is based on acts of ‘deceit’, ‘immorality’ and just basic ‘idiocy’. The list is not fictional, every example is common practise used by Estate Agents nationally, from the bottom man, all the way to the management. I urge you, my friends, please be careful when dealing with these rodents, because they will f**k you over at any given opportunity.
1) No qualifications or regulations
There’s no real science or mystical theory to why Estate Agents are mentally inadequate. In fact, it’s quite simple- the Estate Agent industry in the UK is unlicensed and unregulated, so any old fool off the street without qualifications or experience can set up shop as an Estate Agent. There is no official training required. That explains a lot already, doesn’t it?
2) Who would want to be an Estate Agent?
Continuing from my first point, you have to ask yourself, what kind of person would actually want to be an Estate Agent? A profession that includes backstabbing to the ultimate level; manipulating people into buying homes because their salary depends on it; a life of working 6 days a week, 12 hours a day; an occupation that requires no qualification at all, and has no consumer protection. In my honest opinion, the answer to that question is, ‘a devious idiot that carries a joy for inflicting misery’
3) You have more protection when buying a tin of soup
Estate Agents are protected, because as mentioned, there is currently no regulation. They can be sneaky little snakes, and laugh at your expense, which they do- in fact, they laugh all the way to the bank without carrying fear of prosecution. It’s extremely hard to claim anything against Estate Agents, unless they do something blatantly illegal. It’s amazing how British consumers have more rights when buying a tin of soup than when they buy a house.
4) Commission-based salary
Their commission-based salary means they will try to sell you anything at any cost. ‘Deception’ and ‘manipulation’ is usually their weapons of choice. Don’t be fooled by their kind nature because it is only skin deep, if that.
5) “This property is really popular”
A favourite trick would be to arrange two viewings to “accidently” coincide, so the property appears to be in demand. Additionally, the agent will often get someone from the office to ring while taking a viewing and pretend that someone has just put an offer in.
6) That house is perfect for you, sir (NOT)
Estate Agent’s will lie through their teeth about every little detail in order to persuade you to sign on the dotted line.
Hey Mr Estate Agent, is that barn an appropriate living environment for my wife and my newly born child?
Well, let me see; according to my calculations, I get 1.5% of the sale price. So if I worked this out correctly- then YES, it’s a perfect living environment for you and your family
I’ve never heard any Estate Agent say, “No, that would be a bad buy, my friend”
7) The Estate Agents perfect deal
Estate Agents don’t try and get you the best deals; they try and get themselves the best deals. Again, this relates to the commission based salary scheme, and their love for money. Regardless of whether you’re a buyer or seller, they have tactical methods of trying to exploit anyone at either end of the chain. If you’re a buyer, the Estate Agent may try and make you pay as much as possible for a property, because that has direct impact on how much commission they earn from you. If you’re a seller, an Estate Agent may try to under value your property, and then quickly buy the property via a “friend”.
8.) They’re all the same
Estate Agents are all manufactured from the same factory in Taiwan- cheap, and well presented. They all step off the production line in a cheap River Island suit, slicked hair, and a slimy personality that makes them think they’re hot sh*t. Estate Agents should be required to have a qualification other than that of a sharp suit. But they aren’t.
9) Estate Agents waste time
Time wasters. There’s no point even being specific about what type of property you want to buy. It’s in the ‘Estate Agents Bible’ that they must show you properties out of your price range or/and properties that don’t match your original dimensional criteria. Why do they do that? Well, it’s usually when they don’t have enough properties in their books that match your criteria, so instead if losing a sale they show you random properties, in hope you will bite the bate.
10) They will shut up when the time is right
You would think as sales people Estate Agents would never shut up since they have the gift of the gab. Oh, how wrong. Estate Agents know exactly when to jump into mute mode. Estate Agents want to sell property, but only at a rate that will suit them. So if you make a low offer, expect them to go into mode mute and not pass on the offer to the seller. God forbid a seller accepting an offer significantly lower than their asking price. There’s nothing more an Estate Agent fears than ‘a good deal’ from a buyer’s end.
11) Estate Agents run their own shop…from their suit jackets
Estate Agents will try and sell you ANYTHING, not just property. I wouldn’t be surprised if an Estate Agent pulled out stainless steel cutlery out of his/her polyester suit in the middle of a viewing, “Madam, this fine set of cutlery would go lovely with this house. I can make you a deal if you buy both today”
Beware of Estate Agents that come baring mortgage deals and home insurance offers. They can also make commission from those ‘extras’. Once you show passion for a particular home, they can pull out lines like, “I forgot to mention, we only sell property based on the policy that you use one of our mortgage brokers”
12) They hate their own kind
Estate Agents hate Estate Agents, so what chance do we have? And I’m not just talking about feuds between rival companies; I’m talking about in-house war, too. They backstab each other by taking each others leads, and take severe pleasure from their fellow peers losing out on sales. If more than one negotiator is showing a particular property, it’s not abnormal for keys to get misplaced just as a rival’s client turned up for an appointment.
A lot of Estate Agents try and cut corners in every possible situation, and their marketing strategy certainly doesn’t escape the trend of being “cheap”. A lot of Estate Agents have been known to use a marketing method known as ‘flyboarding’. This refers to the activity of putting ‘For Sale’ or ‘Sold’ signs outside of properties that aren’t actually for sale. It’s merely a cheap way of advertising. Not surprising, really.
14) Estate Agents are Skitzo
If the property market is ‘hot’ and there are is plenty of demand for property, Estate Agents may treat you like last years clothing line. Their level of communication will be at an all time low and their clock maybe ticking a lot slower than everyone else’s. However, if the market is dead, you may get the best out of them. They’ll probably pop round and drop off some sugar; build some common ground and try to ‘relate’. Once again, deceitful. You could say they’re like ice-cream; a seasonal commodity.
15) They know the answer to every question
When an Estate Agent doesn’t know an answer to your question, don’t expect a confession, nor should you expect a respectable response like, “I’m not entirely sure, but I will find out for you and get back to you”. Strap on your seatbelt and expect a train of verbal trash. In most cases, an Estate Agent won’t comprehensively know the in’s and out’s of all the areas they deal in.
Hey, Mr Estate Agent, what are the local schools like around here?”
errr…well, they’re very good. Yeah, my daughter goes to the one around the corner. Highly recommended. Your children will be safe and well educated there”
The Estate Agent is lying. He doesn’t have a kid. He hasn’t even had sex with a human before, only with money. He lied about having a daughter to strengthen his response- who would lie about having a daughter? Estate Agents.
Please note, I don’t actually think every Estate Agent out there is dodgy; I just think the majority have committed at least one of the sins above. I have no doubt in my mind that there are a few good men standing.